Tag Archive for: management

The Three Parts of Confidence Nobody Talks About

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Self‑Awareness + Self‑Trust + Courage = Actual Confidence

We’ve all heard the advice: “Fake it till you make it.”  

And last week, I shared why that mindset does more harm than good. Pretending isn’t confidence—it’s performance.

So what actually builds real, grounded, sustainable confidence?

It turns out confidence isn’t a single trait. It’s a structure made of three interconnected parts, and when one is missing, the whole thing wobbles.

Let’s break them down.

1. Self‑Awareness: Who Are You, Really?

Self‑awareness is the foundation of confidence. You can’t lead—or live—with confidence if you don’t understand your values, strengths, triggers, and growth edges. And no, not the polished version you put on a performance review. The real version.

Only 29% of employees say their leaders demonstrate “human leadership.” That’s not a skills gap—it’s a self‑awareness gap. People can feel when a leader is performing instead of showing up authentically.

And the data backs it up: leaders with strong emotional intelligence (which begins with self‑awareness) see 37% higher engagement and up to 27% better team performance. When you know yourself, you lead from a place of clarity instead of insecurity.

2. Self‑Trust: Will You Do the Hard Thing?

Self‑trust is your internal track record. It’s the belief that you’ll follow through—even when it’s uncomfortable, uncertain, or unpopular.

Every time you do what you said you’d do, especially the hard stuff, you make a deposit in your self‑trust account. Over time, those deposits compound.

Leaders who lack self‑trust often become approval‑seeking, indecisive, or avoidant. They know the right move but can’t make themselves take it.

And here’s the kicker: employees who trust their leadership are 4x more likely to be engaged. But that external trust starts with leaders who trust themselves.

3. Courage: Taking Action Despite Fear

Courage is where self‑awareness and self‑trust turn into behavior. It’s not the absence of fear—it’s action in the presence of fear.

As Brené Brown puts it, vulnerability is what we feel during uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure. Confident leaders don’t run from that feeling—they walk straight into it.

Without courage, leaders fall into what I call hiding and coping behaviors: micromanaging, avoiding conflict, hoarding information, or obsessing over perfection. These aren’t leadership—they’re protection.

And the impact is real: CEOs rated as confident lead companies that outperform competitors by up to 12%. That confidence doesn’t come from pretending. It comes from repeated acts of courage.

The Formula for Real Confidence

Here’s how the pieces fit together:

  • Self‑awareness tells you who you are.
  • Self‑trust tells you you can do hard things.
  • Courage is actually doing the hard thing.

Confidence is the result of that cycle—not the starting point.

A Quick Exercise

Think of a leadership decision you’ve been avoiding.

Now ask yourself:

  • Do I lack clarity on my values or what matters here? (Self‑awareness)
  • Do I doubt I’ll follow through? (Self‑trust)
  • Do I know what to do but fear the reaction or outcome? (Courage)

Name the missing piece. That’s your starting point.

This three‑part framework is the foundation of Spark Your Leadership. We don’t hype people into confidence—we build it systematically, from the inside out.

If you’re ready to develop real confidence—not the performative kind—learn more about the program:

Spark Your Leadership

Or grab a spot on my calendar to talk about whether it’s the right fit for you.

Why Middle Managers Burn Out—and How to Fix It

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Why Middle Managers Burn Out—and How to Fix It

Middle managers are stuck in the worst possible position.

They see the problems on their teams but don’t know how to address them without sounding like jerks. They get conflicting direction from leadership but are too afraid to push back. They’re supposed to “develop people” but have no idea how to give feedback that doesn’t make things awkward.

So they do what everyone does: they stay nice. They work around problems. They absorb the stress.

And eventually, they burn out—or check out.

What Middle Managers Actually Need

The truth is, middle managers don’t need another motivational speech. They need a repeatable framework for having the conversations that matter. Not theory. Not feel‑good platitudes. Actual tools for doing the hard parts of leadership well.

Tools for things like:

  • Giving real‑time feedback that helps people improve without getting defensive
  • Holding someone accountable without torching the relationship
  • Following up with intention instead of just hoping things get better
  • Building consistency in communication so trust deepens over time

The Spark Your Leadership Program

That’s exactly what the Spark Your Leadership program is designed to do.

It’s a 15‑session, 5‑month series that equips front‑line and mid‑level managers with the skills they desperately need but rarely get. Not just in a workshop they’ll forget by Tuesday—but through a hybrid of group learning, one‑on‑one coaching, and real‑world practice that actually sticks.

Participants Get:

  • A leadership self‑assessment to define their goals and challenges
  • Twice‑monthly group sessions to build skills and solve real problems together
  • Monthly 1:1 coaching for accountability and tackling their toughest obstacles
  • Practical tools for hard conversations, managing up, and building trust
  • A copy of Spark: How Great Leaders Start and a workbook they’ll actually use

Final Thought

Your middle managers don’t need pep talks. They need a system.

Because if your managers are just trying to survive instead of learning to lead, that’s not their failure—it’s a systems failure. And systems can be fixed.

Check out more about the Spark You Leadership program here: Spark Your Leadership Program

The Conversation You’re Avoiding Is Already Costing You

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There’s a conversation you know you need to have.

You’ve replayed it in your head—what you’ll say, how they might react, how uncomfortable it could get. Maybe it’s about performance. Maybe it’s about respect. Maybe it’s about something that happened months ago and never really settled.

Whatever it is, the weight of it doesn’t go away on its own.

In fact, it gets heavier.

Avoidance Isn’t Neutral

Most people think avoiding a difficult conversation is the safer option. That staying quiet will keep the peace, protect the relationship, or prevent things from getting worse.

But avoidance isn’t neutral.

Every day you don’t address the issue, you send a message—whether you mean to or not:

  • This behavior is acceptable.

  • Your frustration doesn’t matter enough to voice.

  • Resentment is easier than honesty.

Over time, that silence chips away at trust. Not just with the other person, but with yourself. You know something is off, and you’re choosing not to name it.

The Story That Keeps You Stuck

If you’re hesitating, chances are you’re telling yourself a familiar story:

  • “It’ll just make things worse.”

  • “I’ll sound petty.”

  • “It’s not that big of a deal.”

  • “I should be able to let it go.”

That story feels protective—but it’s actually what’s keeping you stuck. Because while you’re waiting for the “right moment,” the issue is quietly shaping your relationship, your team culture, and your own level of engagement.

Why Hard Conversations Feel So Hard

Here’s the truth most leaders miss:

Communication problems usually aren’t about what you say.
 They’re about what you don’t say often enough.

When feedback only shows up during moments of tension or failure, every conversation feels high-stakes. There’s no context. No shared language. No baseline of trust to lean on.

So of course it feels uncomfortable. You’re trying to course-correct after months of silence.

The Power of Consistent Communication

Hard conversations get easier when they’re not rare.

When you build a consistent rhythm of:

  • Checking in early

  • Clarifying expectations

  • Course-correcting in real time

  • Celebrating progress and wins

Feedback stops feeling like a personal attack and starts feeling like part of how the team operates.

Consistency creates safety. And safety makes honesty possible.

The Spark Method: A Better Way to Lead

This is the foundation of the Spark Method—a five-step framework designed to keep expectations clear, performance on track, and trust growing through intentional, meaningful connection.

It’s not about being perfect with your words.
 It’s not about avoiding discomfort.

It’s about communicating often enough that no single conversation has to carry all the weight.

When leaders do this well, accountability improves, resentment decreases, and teams stop operating in quiet tension.

Being Real Isn’t Rude—It’s Responsible

Avoiding a conversation doesn’t protect your people. It protects your discomfort.

And if you’re already feeling uneasy, that’s your signal. Discomfort is the price of real change—and you’re already paying part of it.

You might as well make it count.

If you’re looking for a team retreat, leadership workshop, or keynote speaker who can help your organization build stronger communication habits that actually stick, let’s talk.

You don’t have to keep swimming in this.

Let’s Be Real: Why “Fake Harmony” Is Hurting Your Team

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Let’s be real for a second.
You’re tired of the BS.

The performance issues everyone sees but nobody addresses. The accountability that somehow never applies to that person. The problems that could’ve been solved in five minutes three months ago but are now full-blown disasters.

And you’re stuck in it every day.

The Real Problem: Culture Over Conflict

This isn’t just about your coworker being difficult or your boss avoiding conflict (though maybe they are). It’s about a culture that values fake harmony over real progress.

When being “nice” becomes more important than being honest, you get:

  • Important conversations that never happen
  • Problems that fester until they explode
  • Teams where everyone’s frustrated but no one says why
  • Good people who eventually quit because they’re done with the dysfunction

What You Can Do: Real-Time Feedback

Here’s one thing you can try this week:
When something’s off, address it in real time instead of waiting for the “right moment.” Not in a calling-people-out way, but in a “Hey, I noticed this thing—can we talk about it real quick?” way.

It doesn’t have to be a Big Conversation. Sometimes, a two-minute check-in can keep a small issue from becoming a big one.

That’s what we call real-time feedback and coaching. It’s one of the most powerful tools you have as a manager or teammate.

How We Help Teams Break the Cycle

We specialize in workshops and team retreats that teach people how to have these conversations without torching relationships. How to give feedback that actually lands. How to hold people accountable without being a jerk.

Because you deserve to work somewhere people say what needs to be said—with respect, with clarity, and without all the exhausting workarounds.

Interested in what this could look like for your team?
Book a time to discuss here.

The Cost of Silence: Why Working Around That Coworker Problem Is Killing Your Productivity

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Stop Wishing it Would Get Better—Here’s Why You Need to Speak Up Now

The Lingering Annoyance

You know the feeling. It’s that one specific thing with a coworker or team member that has been quietly gnawing at you for weeks, maybe even months.

It might be:

  • The deadlines that are constantly missed.
  • The small tasks that are consistently dropped.
  • The subtle, yet unmistakable, weird vibe in team meetings.

We’ve all been there, convincing ourselves with the same tired lines: “Maybe it’ll get better on its own. Maybe I’m overreacting. Maybe if I just work around it one more time…”

Here is the tough love you need: It won’t get better. You’re not overreacting. And you cannot successfully work around a core team issue forever.

The Four Ways Your Silence Is Costing You

When you choose to stay quiet, you aren’t being kind—you are simply choosing short-term comfort. And that comfort has a steep price tag for you and your team.

1. Exponential Growth of the Problem

That small annoyance is not static; it’s compounding. Every day the issue goes unaddressed, it becomes more normalized and more deeply ingrained in the person’s work habits. What was once a small course correction now requires a major intervention.

2. The Hidden Drain on Team Morale

If you see the issue, guaranteed, everyone else on the team sees it too. The resulting low-level anxiety and tension are what create that “weird vibe” in meetings. People are talking about the problem, but they are talking about it around the person, not to them. This erodes trust and makes the whole environment heavier.

3. You Are Paying the Compensation Tax

Look closely at your own task list. Are you staying late? Are you double-checking work that shouldn’t need it? When a team member consistently falls short, you—and others—are forced to fill the gap. You are essentially paying a Compensation Tax on your own time, energy, and productivity to make up for someone else’s gap.

4. The Conversation Gets Harder, Not Easier

The longer you wait, the more history you have to unpack. It is far easier to say, “I noticed this on the last two reports,” than to say, “For the last two months, your performance has been an issue.” Delaying makes the necessary conversation feel higher-stakes, more emotional, and more career-limiting than it needs to be.

The Shift: From Avoidance to Action

The core of this issue is recognizing that you are not being kind by staying quiet; you are just being comfortable. And that comfort is actively costing you your time, your energy, and your team’s ability to trust.

What if you could confidently have that conversation—the one that solves the problem—without it being awkward, messy, or detrimental to your professional relationship?

It is possible to navigate these difficult conversations with grace, clarity, and a focus on positive results. You need the right framework, the right language, and the confidence to speak up.

Ready to Stop Working Around the Problem?

If you’re tired of sacrificing your sanity and productivity to avoid a five-minute conversation, it’s time to learn how to lead through conflict.

Let’s discuss strategies for transforming difficult conversations into productive outcomes.

➡️ Schedule a time to discuss how to navigate these conversations here:

5 Minute Communication Game Changer: SPARK

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Does any of this resonate with you?

 

“I don’t know why communication is such a struggle!”

“Performance from some team members just isn’t where it needs to be.”

“I’m constantly fixing things and putting out fires. There just aren’t enough hours in the day.”

 

These are statements I hear from leaders all the time as they grind through misaligned expectations, communication break downs, accountability challenges and fixing the issues left behind by poor performance.

 

It’s painful, but it doesn’t have to be this way.

 

What if told you there is a simple, effective communication method that will save you time, help your team perform at their best and free you up to focus on the work that matters instead of running from fire to fire?

 

It’s called the SPARK method and, it takes 5 minutes or less.

 

Imagine a member of your team is taking on a task or project. This is a perfect time to use SPARK. Here’s how it works:

 

Set Expectations:

Collaboratively determine the expectations of the task. What’s the basic criteria like deadline? What does success look like? Are there barriers that need to be removed or other tasks that need to be reprioritized to meet expectations? Invest the time to get clear here-it will save you a ton of time and frustration later.

 

Purpose:

Whenever starting a task or project, no matter how big or small, you must explain the WHY. Not only does this give context, but it helps you move the team beyond a task master mindset. Ignite their engagement by showing them how their work connects with the bigger goal or strategy.

 

Action & Attention:

I once two weeks researching and compiling a competitive analysis report at my manager’s request.  I walked into his office to present my findings feeling very confident about the final product. My manager took one look at my report and said, “this isn’t really what I was looking for.” All of that time and energy wasted and I still missed the mark. Ouch.

 

You see, my manager did a great job explaining the expectations and the purpose of the project, but then he left me to my own devices. He trusted me to take action, but he didn’t follow up with attention. There was no check in to make sure I was on the right track.

It’s not enough to set expectations and communicate the purpose. To ensure the right actions are taken to get the project done, you must give that team member and that project a measure of attention.

 

This is the step that is most often skipped by leaders with the universal reason, “I don’t have time to check in and give attention to every person and project on my team.”

 

So, let me ease your mind. When I say “give attention” I’m talking about a regular, proactive check in. This could be a chat on Teams, a text, a quick call or popping into a team member’s workspace. The intention is to check in on progress and action, answer questions and remove anything standing in the way of success. When done effectively, this should take you less than 5 minutes.

 

Real Time Feedback & Coaching:

Since you’re already checking in and giving your attention and support, this is the perfect time to offer real time feedback, advice and coaching, both positive and constructive.

 

If the project or task is on the right track, offer specific kudos. If things are not on track, this is the time to course correct.

 

Had my manager taken this step with me, it would have saved us both a lot of time and the project would have been a success…the first time around.

 

Keep it Going:

Keep the communication going. If there was a correction to be made from real-time feedback and coaching, this is the place to follow up on it.

 

When the task or project is complete, this is where you compare the initial expectations with the final results.

 

These conversations are the most powerful when they’re ongoing.

 

The SPARK method can be used in team meetings, 1:1 conversations, your daily standing meetings and even in conversations you have with your boss. The best part-these conversations take 5 minutes or less.

 

Would you like to reclaim your time? Would you to communicate with impact and help your team do the same? Would you like to take the pain out of performance conversations? Then give the SPARK method a whirl.  

Not getting what you expect? This could be why

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I handed Maya the crucial product comparison project with visions of a meticulous, organized Excel spreadsheet complete with a concise summary of findings.

 

Unfortunately, what I received was not even close to what I envisioned.

 

A week later, there we were, huddled around a table, surrounded by endless pages of raw data, most of which we couldn’t make heads or tails of. Maya tried to explain some initial observations, but there was no comprehensive report, and no succinct summary.

 

Our frustration and disappointment were palpable. Maya, because she genuinely believed she had delivered precisely what I wanted. And me, because an entire week had slipped through our fingers with almost nothing to show for it. The looming project deadline was dark cloud on our calendar.

 

So what went wrong?

 

It was a disaster, and the blame rested squarely on my shoulders. I had failed to communicate my expectations clearly, and I hadn’t bothered to ask Maya about hers. I made careless assumptions that led us down this path.

 

I assumed Maya’s past successes were an automatic guarantee of success this time-even though she had never done a project list this. I thought she instinctively knew what data to collect and how to present it. When she didn’t come to me with questions or concerns, I naively believed she was on the right track. Those assumptions, those shortcuts, cost us big time. They cost us precious time, wasted effort, and pushed the entire project perilously close to the brink of failure.

 

But there is a way out of this chaos. It’s called mutual expectations.

 

These conversations are lifelines that answer the critical questions of when, what, how, and why tasks should be done. They form the bedrock of performance and the linchpin of accountability.

 

Imagine a world where both you and your team members share a common understanding. This world is brimming with confidence because there’s a clear, agreed-upon roadmap. Desired outcomes are defined; measurements of success are crystal clear. No one is in the dark.

 

In our case, we hadn’t had those discussions. We hadn’t talked about the results we were aiming for or what the finished product should even look like. Maya was left stumbling in the dark, unaware of what specific information to gather, where to find it, how to assess its relevance, or even how to present it. The ‘why’ was absent too, which left us all adrift.

 

But it doesn’t have to be that way. There is a straight forward process to ensure clear, mutual expectations. Simply follow these steps:

  1. Clearly explain the project and emphasize its importance.
  2. Define the desired outcomes and success metrics.
  3. Lay out the steps, share necessary resources, and be explicit about the project’s boundaries.
  4. Ask questions, offer support, and clarify expectations. Can they handle it? Do they have the bandwidth? What questions do they have? What do they expect from you during this project?
  5. Most importantly, ensure that everyone is on the same page and document those expectations for reference.

 

Don’t make the costly mistake of assigning a project and saying, “Let me know if you have questions.” Instead, regularly check in with your team members. Address any questions, tackle minor challenges before they become colossal obstacles.

 

These expectation conversations aren’t limited to specific projects. They are your lifeline during team meetings, one-on-ones, role changes, shifting priorities, system updates, process alterations, or policy revisions.

 

I guarantee you, when you establish mutual expectations, you will see results. Work becomes seamless, efficient, and your team? They’re infused with newfound confidence and a sense of ownership that propels them to unprecedented heights. The solution is right there – it’s mutual expectations, and it’s your ticket to success.

The Transition all Great Leaders Must Make (and how to do it!)

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Let’s talk about an important-and often overlooked-aspect of leadership, especially for new leaders. The mindset transition from ME to WE.

 

When you’re a team member, you focus on yourself–your performance, your relationship with the boss, your promotion, your ambitions, etc.  This is ME thinking.

 

As a leader though-that ME mindset just doesn’t work.

 

Why? Because your success as a leader is a direct reflection of your ability to support and enable the team to be successful. It’s not just about your own achievements anymore. When your team shines, that’s when you know you’re doing a fantastic job.  This requires WE thinking.

 

So, how do you make that shift from “me” to “we”?

 

First reflect on why you wanted to be a leader in the first place. Think about your leadership brand—those goals and aspirations you set for yourself. Are you actually living up to them? Are you talking the talk and showing those behaviors and values in your everyday actions?

 

Remember you’re a role model. Great leaders lead by example. Show the team the behavior and qualities you expect from them.

 

The power of listening. Seriously, shut up and listen—like really listen. Ditch the distractions and give the team your full attention. Seek to understand everyone’s perspectives, ideas, and concerns. Ask a ton of questions and mine for feedback. This will help you shift your focus to a more holistic view of what’s best for the team.

 

Flex those empathy muscles. Put yourself in your team members’ shoes and consider their experiences and perspectives. Understanding where they’re coming from will make you a better leader and foster stronger connections within the team.

 

Instead of solely focusing on your own ambitions and goals, set objectives that align with the team’s success. Involve your team in the goal-setting process. When everyone has a say and feels ownership, magic happens. Nothing brings a team together like a shared goal.

 

Give credit where credit is due when those team goals or milestones are met. Acknowledge and appreciate the contributions of each team member. By highlighting the collective success, you reinforce the importance of teamwork and motivate everyone to keep pushing forward.

 

Now, I know what you’re thinking—team-building activities. Some people roll their eyes at the mention of them, but trust me, they work. Team-building activities foster collaboration, trust, and a sense of shared purpose. They show you firsthand the benefits of a team-oriented approach and the value of collective success.

 

Leaders-your personal goals and ambitions are still important, just make sure to prioritize the team and organizational goals. Now go out there and lead like a rockstar!

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