Tag Archive for: communication

The Three Parts of Confidence Nobody Talks About

/in /by

Self‑Awareness + Self‑Trust + Courage = Actual Confidence

We’ve all heard the advice: “Fake it till you make it.”  

And last week, I shared why that mindset does more harm than good. Pretending isn’t confidence—it’s performance.

So what actually builds real, grounded, sustainable confidence?

It turns out confidence isn’t a single trait. It’s a structure made of three interconnected parts, and when one is missing, the whole thing wobbles.

Let’s break them down.

1. Self‑Awareness: Who Are You, Really?

Self‑awareness is the foundation of confidence. You can’t lead—or live—with confidence if you don’t understand your values, strengths, triggers, and growth edges. And no, not the polished version you put on a performance review. The real version.

Only 29% of employees say their leaders demonstrate “human leadership.” That’s not a skills gap—it’s a self‑awareness gap. People can feel when a leader is performing instead of showing up authentically.

And the data backs it up: leaders with strong emotional intelligence (which begins with self‑awareness) see 37% higher engagement and up to 27% better team performance. When you know yourself, you lead from a place of clarity instead of insecurity.

2. Self‑Trust: Will You Do the Hard Thing?

Self‑trust is your internal track record. It’s the belief that you’ll follow through—even when it’s uncomfortable, uncertain, or unpopular.

Every time you do what you said you’d do, especially the hard stuff, you make a deposit in your self‑trust account. Over time, those deposits compound.

Leaders who lack self‑trust often become approval‑seeking, indecisive, or avoidant. They know the right move but can’t make themselves take it.

And here’s the kicker: employees who trust their leadership are 4x more likely to be engaged. But that external trust starts with leaders who trust themselves.

3. Courage: Taking Action Despite Fear

Courage is where self‑awareness and self‑trust turn into behavior. It’s not the absence of fear—it’s action in the presence of fear.

As Brené Brown puts it, vulnerability is what we feel during uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure. Confident leaders don’t run from that feeling—they walk straight into it.

Without courage, leaders fall into what I call hiding and coping behaviors: micromanaging, avoiding conflict, hoarding information, or obsessing over perfection. These aren’t leadership—they’re protection.

And the impact is real: CEOs rated as confident lead companies that outperform competitors by up to 12%. That confidence doesn’t come from pretending. It comes from repeated acts of courage.

The Formula for Real Confidence

Here’s how the pieces fit together:

  • Self‑awareness tells you who you are.
  • Self‑trust tells you you can do hard things.
  • Courage is actually doing the hard thing.

Confidence is the result of that cycle—not the starting point.

A Quick Exercise

Think of a leadership decision you’ve been avoiding.

Now ask yourself:

  • Do I lack clarity on my values or what matters here? (Self‑awareness)
  • Do I doubt I’ll follow through? (Self‑trust)
  • Do I know what to do but fear the reaction or outcome? (Courage)

Name the missing piece. That’s your starting point.

This three‑part framework is the foundation of Spark Your Leadership. We don’t hype people into confidence—we build it systematically, from the inside out.

If you’re ready to develop real confidence—not the performative kind—learn more about the program:

Spark Your Leadership

Or grab a spot on my calendar to talk about whether it’s the right fit for you.

Why Middle Managers Burn Out—and How to Fix It

/in /by

Why Middle Managers Burn Out—and How to Fix It

Middle managers are stuck in the worst possible position.

They see the problems on their teams but don’t know how to address them without sounding like jerks. They get conflicting direction from leadership but are too afraid to push back. They’re supposed to “develop people” but have no idea how to give feedback that doesn’t make things awkward.

So they do what everyone does: they stay nice. They work around problems. They absorb the stress.

And eventually, they burn out—or check out.

What Middle Managers Actually Need

The truth is, middle managers don’t need another motivational speech. They need a repeatable framework for having the conversations that matter. Not theory. Not feel‑good platitudes. Actual tools for doing the hard parts of leadership well.

Tools for things like:

  • Giving real‑time feedback that helps people improve without getting defensive
  • Holding someone accountable without torching the relationship
  • Following up with intention instead of just hoping things get better
  • Building consistency in communication so trust deepens over time

The Spark Your Leadership Program

That’s exactly what the Spark Your Leadership program is designed to do.

It’s a 15‑session, 5‑month series that equips front‑line and mid‑level managers with the skills they desperately need but rarely get. Not just in a workshop they’ll forget by Tuesday—but through a hybrid of group learning, one‑on‑one coaching, and real‑world practice that actually sticks.

Participants Get:

  • A leadership self‑assessment to define their goals and challenges
  • Twice‑monthly group sessions to build skills and solve real problems together
  • Monthly 1:1 coaching for accountability and tackling their toughest obstacles
  • Practical tools for hard conversations, managing up, and building trust
  • A copy of Spark: How Great Leaders Start and a workbook they’ll actually use

Final Thought

Your middle managers don’t need pep talks. They need a system.

Because if your managers are just trying to survive instead of learning to lead, that’s not their failure—it’s a systems failure. And systems can be fixed.

Check out more about the Spark You Leadership program here: Spark Your Leadership Program

The Conversation You’re Avoiding Is Already Costing You

/in /by

There’s a conversation you know you need to have.

You’ve replayed it in your head—what you’ll say, how they might react, how uncomfortable it could get. Maybe it’s about performance. Maybe it’s about respect. Maybe it’s about something that happened months ago and never really settled.

Whatever it is, the weight of it doesn’t go away on its own.

In fact, it gets heavier.

Avoidance Isn’t Neutral

Most people think avoiding a difficult conversation is the safer option. That staying quiet will keep the peace, protect the relationship, or prevent things from getting worse.

But avoidance isn’t neutral.

Every day you don’t address the issue, you send a message—whether you mean to or not:

  • This behavior is acceptable.

  • Your frustration doesn’t matter enough to voice.

  • Resentment is easier than honesty.

Over time, that silence chips away at trust. Not just with the other person, but with yourself. You know something is off, and you’re choosing not to name it.

The Story That Keeps You Stuck

If you’re hesitating, chances are you’re telling yourself a familiar story:

  • “It’ll just make things worse.”

  • “I’ll sound petty.”

  • “It’s not that big of a deal.”

  • “I should be able to let it go.”

That story feels protective—but it’s actually what’s keeping you stuck. Because while you’re waiting for the “right moment,” the issue is quietly shaping your relationship, your team culture, and your own level of engagement.

Why Hard Conversations Feel So Hard

Here’s the truth most leaders miss:

Communication problems usually aren’t about what you say.
 They’re about what you don’t say often enough.

When feedback only shows up during moments of tension or failure, every conversation feels high-stakes. There’s no context. No shared language. No baseline of trust to lean on.

So of course it feels uncomfortable. You’re trying to course-correct after months of silence.

The Power of Consistent Communication

Hard conversations get easier when they’re not rare.

When you build a consistent rhythm of:

  • Checking in early

  • Clarifying expectations

  • Course-correcting in real time

  • Celebrating progress and wins

Feedback stops feeling like a personal attack and starts feeling like part of how the team operates.

Consistency creates safety. And safety makes honesty possible.

The Spark Method: A Better Way to Lead

This is the foundation of the Spark Method—a five-step framework designed to keep expectations clear, performance on track, and trust growing through intentional, meaningful connection.

It’s not about being perfect with your words.
 It’s not about avoiding discomfort.

It’s about communicating often enough that no single conversation has to carry all the weight.

When leaders do this well, accountability improves, resentment decreases, and teams stop operating in quiet tension.

Being Real Isn’t Rude—It’s Responsible

Avoiding a conversation doesn’t protect your people. It protects your discomfort.

And if you’re already feeling uneasy, that’s your signal. Discomfort is the price of real change—and you’re already paying part of it.

You might as well make it count.

If you’re looking for a team retreat, leadership workshop, or keynote speaker who can help your organization build stronger communication habits that actually stick, let’s talk.

You don’t have to keep swimming in this.

Let’s Be Real: Why “Fake Harmony” Is Hurting Your Team

/in /by

Let’s be real for a second.
You’re tired of the BS.

The performance issues everyone sees but nobody addresses. The accountability that somehow never applies to that person. The problems that could’ve been solved in five minutes three months ago but are now full-blown disasters.

And you’re stuck in it every day.

The Real Problem: Culture Over Conflict

This isn’t just about your coworker being difficult or your boss avoiding conflict (though maybe they are). It’s about a culture that values fake harmony over real progress.

When being “nice” becomes more important than being honest, you get:

  • Important conversations that never happen
  • Problems that fester until they explode
  • Teams where everyone’s frustrated but no one says why
  • Good people who eventually quit because they’re done with the dysfunction

What You Can Do: Real-Time Feedback

Here’s one thing you can try this week:
When something’s off, address it in real time instead of waiting for the “right moment.” Not in a calling-people-out way, but in a “Hey, I noticed this thing—can we talk about it real quick?” way.

It doesn’t have to be a Big Conversation. Sometimes, a two-minute check-in can keep a small issue from becoming a big one.

That’s what we call real-time feedback and coaching. It’s one of the most powerful tools you have as a manager or teammate.

How We Help Teams Break the Cycle

We specialize in workshops and team retreats that teach people how to have these conversations without torching relationships. How to give feedback that actually lands. How to hold people accountable without being a jerk.

Because you deserve to work somewhere people say what needs to be said—with respect, with clarity, and without all the exhausting workarounds.

Interested in what this could look like for your team?
Book a time to discuss here.

The Cost of Silence: Why Working Around That Coworker Problem Is Killing Your Productivity

/in /by

Stop Wishing it Would Get Better—Here’s Why You Need to Speak Up Now

The Lingering Annoyance

You know the feeling. It’s that one specific thing with a coworker or team member that has been quietly gnawing at you for weeks, maybe even months.

It might be:

  • The deadlines that are constantly missed.
  • The small tasks that are consistently dropped.
  • The subtle, yet unmistakable, weird vibe in team meetings.

We’ve all been there, convincing ourselves with the same tired lines: “Maybe it’ll get better on its own. Maybe I’m overreacting. Maybe if I just work around it one more time…”

Here is the tough love you need: It won’t get better. You’re not overreacting. And you cannot successfully work around a core team issue forever.

The Four Ways Your Silence Is Costing You

When you choose to stay quiet, you aren’t being kind—you are simply choosing short-term comfort. And that comfort has a steep price tag for you and your team.

1. Exponential Growth of the Problem

That small annoyance is not static; it’s compounding. Every day the issue goes unaddressed, it becomes more normalized and more deeply ingrained in the person’s work habits. What was once a small course correction now requires a major intervention.

2. The Hidden Drain on Team Morale

If you see the issue, guaranteed, everyone else on the team sees it too. The resulting low-level anxiety and tension are what create that “weird vibe” in meetings. People are talking about the problem, but they are talking about it around the person, not to them. This erodes trust and makes the whole environment heavier.

3. You Are Paying the Compensation Tax

Look closely at your own task list. Are you staying late? Are you double-checking work that shouldn’t need it? When a team member consistently falls short, you—and others—are forced to fill the gap. You are essentially paying a Compensation Tax on your own time, energy, and productivity to make up for someone else’s gap.

4. The Conversation Gets Harder, Not Easier

The longer you wait, the more history you have to unpack. It is far easier to say, “I noticed this on the last two reports,” than to say, “For the last two months, your performance has been an issue.” Delaying makes the necessary conversation feel higher-stakes, more emotional, and more career-limiting than it needs to be.

The Shift: From Avoidance to Action

The core of this issue is recognizing that you are not being kind by staying quiet; you are just being comfortable. And that comfort is actively costing you your time, your energy, and your team’s ability to trust.

What if you could confidently have that conversation—the one that solves the problem—without it being awkward, messy, or detrimental to your professional relationship?

It is possible to navigate these difficult conversations with grace, clarity, and a focus on positive results. You need the right framework, the right language, and the confidence to speak up.

Ready to Stop Working Around the Problem?

If you’re tired of sacrificing your sanity and productivity to avoid a five-minute conversation, it’s time to learn how to lead through conflict.

Let’s discuss strategies for transforming difficult conversations into productive outcomes.

➡️ Schedule a time to discuss how to navigate these conversations here:

5 Minute Communication Game Changer: SPARK

/in /by

Does any of this resonate with you?

 

“I don’t know why communication is such a struggle!”

“Performance from some team members just isn’t where it needs to be.”

“I’m constantly fixing things and putting out fires. There just aren’t enough hours in the day.”

 

These are statements I hear from leaders all the time as they grind through misaligned expectations, communication break downs, accountability challenges and fixing the issues left behind by poor performance.

 

It’s painful, but it doesn’t have to be this way.

 

What if told you there is a simple, effective communication method that will save you time, help your team perform at their best and free you up to focus on the work that matters instead of running from fire to fire?

 

It’s called the SPARK method and, it takes 5 minutes or less.

 

Imagine a member of your team is taking on a task or project. This is a perfect time to use SPARK. Here’s how it works:

 

Set Expectations:

Collaboratively determine the expectations of the task. What’s the basic criteria like deadline? What does success look like? Are there barriers that need to be removed or other tasks that need to be reprioritized to meet expectations? Invest the time to get clear here-it will save you a ton of time and frustration later.

 

Purpose:

Whenever starting a task or project, no matter how big or small, you must explain the WHY. Not only does this give context, but it helps you move the team beyond a task master mindset. Ignite their engagement by showing them how their work connects with the bigger goal or strategy.

 

Action & Attention:

I once two weeks researching and compiling a competitive analysis report at my manager’s request.  I walked into his office to present my findings feeling very confident about the final product. My manager took one look at my report and said, “this isn’t really what I was looking for.” All of that time and energy wasted and I still missed the mark. Ouch.

 

You see, my manager did a great job explaining the expectations and the purpose of the project, but then he left me to my own devices. He trusted me to take action, but he didn’t follow up with attention. There was no check in to make sure I was on the right track.

It’s not enough to set expectations and communicate the purpose. To ensure the right actions are taken to get the project done, you must give that team member and that project a measure of attention.

 

This is the step that is most often skipped by leaders with the universal reason, “I don’t have time to check in and give attention to every person and project on my team.”

 

So, let me ease your mind. When I say “give attention” I’m talking about a regular, proactive check in. This could be a chat on Teams, a text, a quick call or popping into a team member’s workspace. The intention is to check in on progress and action, answer questions and remove anything standing in the way of success. When done effectively, this should take you less than 5 minutes.

 

Real Time Feedback & Coaching:

Since you’re already checking in and giving your attention and support, this is the perfect time to offer real time feedback, advice and coaching, both positive and constructive.

 

If the project or task is on the right track, offer specific kudos. If things are not on track, this is the time to course correct.

 

Had my manager taken this step with me, it would have saved us both a lot of time and the project would have been a success…the first time around.

 

Keep it Going:

Keep the communication going. If there was a correction to be made from real-time feedback and coaching, this is the place to follow up on it.

 

When the task or project is complete, this is where you compare the initial expectations with the final results.

 

These conversations are the most powerful when they’re ongoing.

 

The SPARK method can be used in team meetings, 1:1 conversations, your daily standing meetings and even in conversations you have with your boss. The best part-these conversations take 5 minutes or less.

 

Would you like to reclaim your time? Would you to communicate with impact and help your team do the same? Would you like to take the pain out of performance conversations? Then give the SPARK method a whirl.  

The Platinum Rule: Your Communication Edge

/in /by

Just as I finished a demo for a new software I was researching, my phone rang. And of course, it was a sales person from said software company.

 

Naturally, I was annoyed. I wasn’t ready to make a buying decision and I definitely didn’t want to deal with pushy sales tactics. But something remarkable happened during that call.

 

In the span of 5 minutes that sales person took me from grumpy, “I’m-not-giving-you one dime buddy” to practically throwing my credit card at him. Not only did I make a purchase right then and there, I purchased the biggest, most expensive package available.

 

You may be wondering, as I did, how the heck did he do that?

 

The answer is pure genius. He spoke my language. No gimmicks, no cheesy sales pitches-just words that hit the bullseye with me-fast, results, straightforward. No time wasted on small talk, just rapid-fire, power-packed communication, just the way I like it.

 

The whole call, including me parting ways with several thousand dollars, took less than 10 minutes.

 

That is the power the Platinum Rule of Communication, your secret weapon to getting what you want by giving others what they need in communication. Get ready put the Platinum Rule of Communication to work for you.

 

The Secret

As a leader, you know your team members aren’t all the same? You already do this dance of communication, adapting to each person’s needs and preferences. But let’s spell it out.

 

If you want people to listen, buy from you, or consider your ideas, you have to speak their language. That’s the Platinum Rule of Communication – communicating with others the way they want to be communicated with. But here’s the thing, understanding their style is just the beginning.

 

Why it Matters:

A big part of the gig as leader is the ability and willingness to communicate and communicate effectively.

 

What does it mean to communicate effectively? It means people know what the heck you’re talking about. It also means you have the ability to influence others to take certain actions. It means people actually care about what you have to say.

 

There’s more to it than that.

 

Great communicators enjoy more trusting, productive relationships. It’s easier to the work done when you can communicate well.  Fun fact: effective communication can lead to a 50% increase in employee engagement. And you probably know the data- engaged employees are more productive, creative, and committed to achieving results.

 

Step 1: Understand your style and needs

Understand your style and needs. Get self-aware, recognize your preferences and how you like to communicate.

 

Consider your favorite method of communication and why you prefer it. Do you like quick, direct messages or do you prefer more details and data? Do you enjoy chatting your co-workers up or do you prefer to get down to business right away? The answers to these questions will provide a lot of insight on your personal needs.

 

Step 2: Understand and Appreciate the Style and Needs of Others

How do you recognize someone else’s communication style and needs? Well, there’s a few simple things you can do.

 

First, pay attention to what your past experience tells you. We all give off clues in every meeting, phone call, text, zoom meeting, and email. Listen. Pay attention to those clues. You’re going to need them for the next step.

 

Next, have a conversation with those you work with about their communication preferences. These simple questions will help drive that discussion:

 

  • Do you like email, phone call or text best?
  • How much detail to you like?
  • Should we get right to business or can I ask you about your dog?

 

One more thing-this step isn’t just about recognizing someone else’s style-it’s also about appreciating it.

 

Different approaches are complementary, not competing. And without different communication styles, things would fall through cracks all over the place.

 

Now, on to the most important step…

 

Step 3: Adapt to meet the other person’s needs

At this point-you understand your style. You recognize and appreciate the styles and needs of the people you work with. Now, it’s time to put the Platinum Rule into action

 

  • For the people on your team who appreciate data, give them data and don’t get cranky when they ask you about the varsity of the information or if they ask you 100 other questions.
  • For the people who craft those long detailed messages explaining how they’ve reached a conclusion-thank them! Show appreciation for their work.
  • For those who like short, direct emails or texts-oblige them whenever possible. And don’t take it personally when they sent you messages with 10 words or less.
  • For team members who want to chat you up about your camping trip and their cat, engage, within reason of course. Ask them questions about their lives and experiences.

 

The truth is-I could write an entire book on things you can do to adapt. But I’ll sum in up for you here:

 

If you know the team’s communication needs and preferences-wherever possible, do you best to accommodate those needs. It can be as simple as a warm greeting in an email or asking a team member to poke holes in an idea.

 

Use the Platinum Rule! By doing this, not only will you influence others and achieve your goals, but you’ll also show them that you genuinely care about their needs. The best part? You’ll become an influential communicator and a leader your team will trust, respect, and talk to.

Make A Payment

Contact Us

888-529-0240

info@pathfinder-strategies.com

P.O. BOX 30533
SPOKANE, WA 99223